Holm van bunny is the business of independent dervishes. Main characters

And culturological ideas serve as one of the brightest examples of modern literary hoax.

Bibliography

Under the name Holm van Zaichik, a series of stories was published in Russia from 2005 to 2005 under the general title "There are no bad people" and under the title "Eurasian Symphony".

The first book in the series, The Case of the Greedy Barbarian, was published in Russia in 2000. The Eurasian Symphony is written in the genre of alternative history. "Eurasian Symphony" on this moment consists of seven novels, combined into three juan, three novels each. The first and second juan are complete, while the third includes only one novel, The Case of the Unquenched Moon.

"Eurasian Symphony"

The case of the greedy barbarian
The case of the independent dervishes
The case of Igor's regiment
The case of the werewolf foxes
The case of the victorious monkey
Judge Dee's case
Case of the unquenched moon

Plot

The events of the stories unfold today in a fictional country Ordus, which arose, according to the author's assumption, during the unification of Russia and the Horde after Alexander Nevsky and Khan Sartak concluded a treaty of friendship. Then China joined Ordusi, and a huge country, one fifth or even a fourth of the land, appeared, in the vastness of which people of hundreds of nationalities and dozens of confessions peacefully live side by side. Ordus has three capitals: Khanbalik (Beijing) in the east, Karakorum in the center, and Alexandria Nevskaya (St. Petersburg) in the northwest.

The main characters of the cycle - detectives Bagatur Lobo and Bogdan Rukhovich Ouyantsev-Syu - investigate crimes (according to van Zaichik - "human violations"), which, although rare, but occur in the prosperous Ordusi.

Main characters

Bogdan Rukhovich Ouyantsev-Syu- Official of the Ethics Oversight Office. A typical Russian intellectual with bouts of reflection and a heightened moral sense. Has a wife Firuze, in the past - the first beauty of Urgench, and a daughter Angelina. He loves his father-in-law, the honorary soldier-internationalist Bek Shirmamed Kormibarsov, and his boss, the senior censor of the Alexandria Department of Ethical Supervision, Mokiy Nilych Rabinovich, affectionately called "Rabbi Nilych" by his subordinates. In The Case of the Greedy Barbarian, Bogdan has a younger wife, a Frenchwoman, Jeanne; later, due to insurmountable contradictions in education, upbringing, and most of all in mentality, they part. However, the final break in relations between Bogdan and Zhanna occurs already in the "Cause of the Unquenched Moon", where he receives a letter from her, testifying to the complete absence of any similarity between them, and learns that Zhanna has a son from him, but he never finds out about the father because of the hatred of the mother.
Bagatur Lobo- langzhong (langzhong, head of a department in the ministry) of the External Security Directorate (analogue of the Russian Ministry of Internal Affairs - FSB) He is not ambitious, on the contrary, he despises higher bosses, especially bureaucrats ("armchair turtles" - cit.), except for the immediate superior, shilan ( whale... Deputy Minister) Alimagomedov. For his indomitable temper and the detective's stranglehold, he received the nickname "Typheng" (the Chinese version of the word "Typhoon", which passed into other languages from the Chinese language). Totally honest. The closest friends are Bogdan Rukhovich Ouyantsev-Syu, an official of the Ethical Oversight Office (an analogue of our prosecutor's office), and a cat of a rare fighting breed Judge Di. In love with Princess Zhu Li, a representative of the ruling Ordusi dynasty. For some time he taught at the Alexandria Great School ( State University). Sword master.

Stylistics

Although the entire cycle as a whole is executed in the genre of alternative history, it also has very clear parodic and humorous features, and parody clearly prevails.

The main parodic method is the constant comparison of the concepts of classical Chinese philosophy and ethics with the realities of typical Russian (as well as post-Soviet) reality. Their paradoxical discrepancy is the main source of the humorous effect. The authors widely use cultural references and allusions to Confucianism and late Taoism, which, as a rule, looks funny and ridiculous in the eyes of the reader. Examples of this kind include:

The titles of some of the stories in the cycle (for example, “The Case of Igor's Campaign” is a pun from “The Lay of Igor's Campaign” and the famous medieval Russian expression “Word and Deed”);
Chinese transcriptions, transliterations and tracing papers from the usual Russian expressions: "tszipuche" - a jeep, "precious unborn one-eater" - a comrade;
A frank parody of ancient and medieval Confucian treatises, designed for the perception of a Russian-speaking reader: the fictional "hitherto unknown" chapter 22 of the "Lun Yu" conceptual row, contain hidden allusions to Russian profanity;
Parody playing on the names of the characters: Bogdan Rukhovich Ouyantsev-Syu at the same time contains references to the Chinese writer and statesman Ouyang Xu and to the realities of the Ukrainian social and political life of the 90s, when the Rukh movement was popular and at the same time the historical role of Bohdan Khmelnitsky was critically revised (and in van Zaichik's cycle the last pair of meanings are combined not on the basis of opposition, as it might be in reality, but on the basis of synthesis); awkward and comic character "shutsai (that is, roughly a bachelor's or master's degree of unknown sciences") Yelyu is an anagram of Yelyu Xutsai, or Yelyu Chutsai, one of Genghis Khan's Chinese advisers) etc.;
The intellectual reflection of Bogdan Rukhovich is a comic synthesis of the traditional reflection of the Russian intellectual-humanist, described by Dostoevsky, with the ethical precepts of Confucius;
In the novel "The Case of Independent Dervishes", the library in "Aslanivsky ulus" (in Lvov region - from the Turkic "aslan" - lion) is named with the magnificent word "kitablarnya", which is collected from the Arabic root (kitab - book), the Turkic plural ending -lar ( for example, arslan - lion, arslanlar - lions) and a typical Ukrainian ending (for example, yidalnya - dining room or perukarnya - hairdressing salon);
etc.

Awards and prizes

The first juan from the cycle "There are no bad people" won first place ("Golden Caduceus") in the category "Cycles, serials and novels with sequel" at the Star Bridge festival in 2001, and "The Case of Werewolves Foxes" and "The Case of the Winner monkeys "- III place in 2003.

Vocabulary

"Ech" is an abbreviation for "one-seeker" (Chinese exercise 同志, pinyin: tóngzhì, pall. : tunzhi) - "comrade", "partner".
"Preborn", or, in abbreviated form, "interrupted" (Chinese exercise 先生, pinyin: xiānsheng, pall. : xiansheng), - even more respectful than ech, treatment.
Minfa is Bogdan's degree, the highest degree in law in traditional China. In translation, "minfa" means "penetrated into the meaning of the laws." This degree has existed in China at least since the Han Dynasty, that is, since the beginning of our era.

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Excerpt from Holm van Zaichik

Sometimes they were silent for hours; sometimes, already lying in bed, they began to talk and talked until morning. They spoke for the most part about the distant past. Princess Marya talked about her childhood, about her mother, about her father, about her dreams; and Natasha, who had previously turned away from this life, devotion, obedience, from the poetry of Christian self-sacrifice with a calm lack of understanding, now, feeling herself bound by love with Princess Marya, fell in love with Princess Marya's past and understood the side of life that was previously incomprehensible to her. She did not think to apply humility and self-denial to her life, because she was used to looking for other joys, but she understood and fell in love with this previously incomprehensible virtue in another. For Princess Marya, who listened to stories about Natasha's childhood and first youth, the previously incomprehensible side of life, faith in life, in the pleasures of life, was also revealed.
They never spoke about him in the same way, so as not to break with words, as it seemed to them, the height of the feeling that was in them, and this silence about him did something that little by little, not believing it, they forgot him.
Natasha lost weight, turned pale and became so physically weak that everyone was constantly talking about her health, and it was pleasant to her. But sometimes she unexpectedly found not only the fear of death, but the fear of illness, weakness, loss of beauty, and involuntarily she sometimes carefully examined her bare hand, marveling at her thinness, or looked in the morning in the mirror at her elongated, pathetic, as it seemed to her , face. It seemed to her that it should be so, and at the same time she became scared and sad.
Once she soon went upstairs and was heavily out of breath. Immediately, involuntarily, she thought of a thing below and from there ran upstairs again, trying her strength and observing herself.
Another time she called Dunyasha, and her voice rattled. She called it again, in spite of the fact that she heard her footsteps, - she called in that deep voice with which she was singing, and listened to him.
She did not know this, she would not believe it, but under the seemingly impenetrable layer of silt that covered her soul, thin, tender young needles of grass were already breaking through, which should have taken root and so cover the grief that had crushed her with their life shoots that it would soon be invisible and not noticeable. The wound was healing from the inside. At the end of January Princess Marya left for Moscow, and the count insisted that Natasha go with her in order to consult with the doctors.

After the clash at Vyazma, where Kutuzov could not restrain his troops from the desire to overturn, cut off, etc., the further movement of the fleeing French and the Russians who fled after them, to Krasnoye, took place without battles. The flight was so fast that the Russian army that fled after the French could not keep up with them, that the horses in the cavalry and artillery were becoming, and that information about the movement of the French was always incorrect.
The people of the Russian army were so exhausted by this continuous movement of forty versts a day that they could not move faster.
To understand the degree of exhaustion of the Russian army, one only needs to clearly understand the significance of the fact that, having lost no more than five thousand people wounded and killed during the entire movement from Tarutin, without losing hundreds of people prisoners, the Russian army, which left Tarutin in the number of one hundred thousand, came to Red in the number of fifty thousand.
The rapid movement of the Russians behind the French acted on the Russian army in exactly the same destructive way as the flight of the French. The only difference was that the Russian army moved arbitrarily, without the threat of death, which hung over the French army, and that the backward sick people of the French remained in the hands of the enemy, the backward Russians remained at home. The main reason for the decrease in Napoleon's army was the speed of movement, and an undoubted proof of this is the corresponding decrease in the Russian troops.
All the activities of Kutuzov, as it was under Tarutin and near Vyazma, was directed only to ensure that, as far as it was in his power, not to stop this disastrous movement for the French (as the Russian generals wanted in St. Petersburg and in the army), but assist him and facilitate the movement of his troops.
But, in addition, since the time of exhaustion and enormous losses in the troops, which resulted from the speed of movement, another reason presented itself to Kutuzov for slowing down the movement of troops and for waiting. The goal of the Russian troops was to follow the French. The path of the French was unknown, and therefore, the closer our troops followed on the heels of the French, the more they covered the distance. Only by following a certain distance, it was possible to cut the zigzags that the French made along the shortest path. All the skillful maneuvers that the generals proposed were expressed in troop movements, in increased crossings, and the only reasonable goal was to reduce these crossings. And towards this goal throughout the campaign, from Moscow to Vilna, Kutuzov's activities were directed - not accidentally, not temporarily, but so consistently that he never betrayed her.
Kutuzov knew not intellectually or scientifically, but with his whole Russian being he knew and felt what every Russian soldier felt, that the French were defeated, that the enemies were fleeing and they had to be driven out; but at the same time he felt, along with the soldiers, the whole weight of this campaign, unheard of in the speed and season of the year.
But to the generals, especially not Russians, who wanted to distinguish themselves, surprise someone, take some kind of duke or king prisoner for some reason - it seemed to the generals now, when every battle was both disgusting and senseless, it seemed to them that now is the time give battles and defeat someone. Kutuzov only shrugged his shoulders when, one after another, he was presented with projects of maneuvers with those badly shod, without short fur coats, half-starved soldiers who in one month, without battles, had melted to half and with whom, under the best conditions of continued flight, he had to go to the border the space is larger than the one that was traversed.
In particular, this desire to distinguish themselves and maneuver, overturn and cut off was manifested when Russian troops ran into French troops.
So it happened near Krasny, where they thought to find one of the three columns of the French and stumbled upon Napoleon himself with sixteen thousand. Despite all the means used by Kutuzov in order to get rid of this disastrous clash and to save his troops, for three days Krasnoy continued to finish off the defeated gatherings of the French by the exhausted people of the Russian army.
Toll wrote the disposition: die erste Colonne marschiert [the first column will go there then], etc. And, as always, everything did not happen according to the disposition. Prince Eugene of Virtemberg shot from the mountain past the fleeing crowds of the French and demanded reinforcements, which did not come. The French, running around the Russians at night, scattered, hid in the woods and made their way, as best they could, further.
Miloradovich, who said that he did not want to know anything about the economic affairs of the detachment, which could never be found when it was needed, "chevalier sans peur et sans reproche" ["knight without fear and reproach"], as he called himself , and a hunter before talking with the French, sent envoys, demanding surrender, and wasted time and did not what he was ordered to.
“I give you guys this column,” he said, approaching the troops and pointing the cavalrymen at the French. And cavalrymen on thin, skinned, barely moving horses, urging them on with spurs and sabers, trotted, after strong exertion, drove up to the presented column, that is, to the crowd of frostbitten, numb and hungry French; and the donated column threw down its weapons and surrendered, which it had long wanted.
Near Krasnoye, they took twenty-six thousand prisoners, hundreds of cannons, some kind of stick, which was called the marshal's baton, and argued about who distinguished himself there, and were pleased with this, but very much regretted that they did not take Napoleon or at least some hero, Marshal, and reproached each other for this, and especially Kutuzov.
These people, carried away by their passions, were blind executors of only the saddest law of necessity; but they considered themselves heroes and imagined that what they did was the most worthy and noble deed. They accused Kutuzov and said that from the very beginning of the campaign he prevented them from defeating Napoleon, that he only thought about satisfying his passions and did not want to leave the Linen Mills, because he was at peace there; that he stopped his movement near Krasny only because, having learned about Napoleon's presence, he was completely lost; that it can be assumed that he is in a conspiracy with Napoleon, that he is bribed by him, [Wilson's notes. (Leo Tolstoy's note.)] Etc., etc.
Not only did his contemporaries, carried away by passions, said so, - posterity and history recognized Napoleon as grand, and Kutuzov: foreigners - a cunning, depraved, weak court old man; Russians - something indefinite - some kind of doll, useful only by its Russian name ...

In the 12th and 13th years, Kutuzov was directly accused of mistakes. The sovereign was dissatisfied with him. And in a story recently written at the highest command, it is said that Kutuzov was a cunning court liar, afraid of the name of Napoleon and by his mistakes near Krasny and Berezina deprived the Russian troops of glory - a complete victory over the French. [The story of Bogdanovich in 1812: a characteristic of Kutuzov and a discussion about the unsatisfactory results of the Krasnensky battles. (Leo Tolstoy's note.)]
Such is the fate not of great people, not grand homme, whom the Russian mind does not recognize, but the fate of those rare, always lonely people who, comprehending the will of providence, subordinate their personal will to it. The hatred and contempt of the crowd punish these people for the enlightenment of the higher laws.
For Russian historians - it is strange and scary to say - Napoleon is the most insignificant instrument of history - never and nowhere, even in exile, not showing human dignity - Napoleon is an object of admiration and delight; he is grand. Kutuzov, the person who, from the beginning to the end of his activity in 1812, from Borodino to Vilna, never by any action, not a word betrayed himself, is an extraordinary example of selflessness and consciousness in the present of the future meaning of an event in history, - Kutuzov seems to them something vague and pathetic, and, speaking of Kutuzov and the 12th year, they always seem to be a little ashamed.
And yet it is difficult to imagine a historical person whose activity would be so invariably constantly directed towards one and the same goal. It is difficult to imagine a goal more worthy and more in line with the will of the entire people. It is even more difficult to find another example in history, where the goal set by a historical person would be as completely achieved as the goal towards which all of Kutuzov's activities were directed in 1812.
Kutuzov never spoke about the forty centuries that look from the pyramids, about the sacrifices that he brings to the fatherland, about what he intends to do or has committed: he did not say anything about himself at all, did not play any role, always seemed the simplest and most ordinary man and said the most simple and ordinary things. He wrote letters to his daughters and m me Stael, read novels, loved the company of beautiful women, joked with generals, officers and soldiers and never contradicted those people who wanted to prove something to him. When Count Rostopchin on the Yauzsky bridge galloped up to Kutuzov with personal reproaches about who was to blame for the death of Moscow, and said: "How did you promise not to leave Moscow without giving a battle?" - Kutuzov replied: "I will not leave Moscow without a battle," despite the fact that Moscow had already been abandoned. When Arakcheev, who came to him from the sovereign, said that Ermolov should be appointed chief of artillery, Kutuzov replied: “Yes, I myself have just said that,” although he said something completely different in a minute. What did it matter to him, who alone then understood the entire tremendous meaning of the event, among the stupid crowd that surrounded him, what did he care whether Count Rostopchin would take the disaster of the capital to himself or to him? Still less could he be interested in who was appointed chief of artillery.

The case of non-solitary dervishes

One day Mu Da saw a man who was eating in solitude. Subsequently, he asked the Master what he thought of such an act.

The teacher said:

- This person has no idea of either morality or institutions. His behavior is worthy of contempt and pity. He did not share food with those above him or with those below him. The meal will not be good for him. Rice that he swallows will be expelled from him undigested.

- O Teacher! Mu Da cried out in great doubt. - And if the rice that he swallowed nevertheless turns out to be completely digested from him, what then?

Master said nothing, but looked at Mu Da with sadness.

Confucius. Lunyu, chapter 22 Shao mao.

Bagatur Lobo

Baozi Palace of Alexandria,

7 day of the eighth month, primary,

evening

Every year, on the second week of the eighth month, the Days of Rejoicing of Taste are held in Alexandria Nevskaya. Throughout the week, residents of the glorious capital of the ulus, guests of the city and goke in the morning flock to Baozigong - the Baozi Palace, a huge square four-story building made of huge granite blocks - and disperse only late at night, for these days the chefs of the Palace surpass themselves and, competing with each other, they prepare new, hitherto unseen Baozi varieties. Often they are joined by master-baotszydels from other cities, who also want to show their art, and in one memorable year even the second assistant to the head chef of the third floor of the famous Tianjin Palace Baozi, which is famous throughout Ordus, arrived - a frail and bald pre-born in glasses with strong lenses and wisdom in gaze. In the composition of the filling, he showed himself to be a real artist, a virtuoso of his craft. Freshly prepared baozi flew in the air, always hitting exactly the right places in the bamboo braids; and at some distance the Alexandrian specialists stood, looking at the process with interest, nodding their heads with understanding and respectfully, and sometimes even reverently, whispering.

Throughout the second week of the eighth month, the Baozi Palace is noisy and crowded, all the halls on all floors are full of visitors, with obvious pleasure eating the fruits of the culinary inspiration, and around the Palace at this time a wide ring of tables appears under spacious red umbrellas and canopies, so that anyone, regardless of from prosperity, I could enjoy this truly enchanting feast of taste. To the right of the main entrance, on the night before the start of the Days of Glee, a light portable stage is being erected, on which the invited artists of the Khanbalik opera perform in the daytime - these days you can hear many famous arias here and admire the virtuoso performance of famous scenes from the classic plays "River Creek" , "Three brave, five fair", or, for example, "Seven courageous": Days of Rejoicing Taste in the Baozi Palace give food to both discerning stomachs and discerning minds, unobtrusively reminding the petting subjects of the feats of the Horde, the tropical zone of the Blooming Middle, then in the polar zone of the Alexandria and Siberian uluses.

And with the onset of darkness, huge multi-colored lanterns hung around the building are lit, and for two hours before midnight, everyone who comes under the red umbrellas is fed baozi free of charge.

Bug sincerely loved this holiday and, among others, was looking forward to the Days of Gleeful Taste with the greatest impatience: in what was happening in this week, Bug felt some echoes of a long-gone childhood - as if again Mother Altyn-khanum was trying to please the kids by preparing them for something especially tasty for the holiday. Alas, ten years have passed since the time of the earthly existence of the venerable mother Baga came to an end, and the messengers of Yanlo-wang called her soul to appear before the eyes of the Lord. And each time Bug, invariably occupying the twenty-fifth table on the second floor, at the exit to the terrace encircling the building, with an aching anguish in his heart, offered up a prayer of thanks to his mother and put a bunch of sandalwood incense sticks into the incense burner to the right of the window.

So it was this time. Barely smiling, a servant with an intricate hairstyle, listening with respect to the order, nimbly rushed for Bag's favorite beer, he took out the sticks he had stored from his bosom and, mentally turning to his mother, lit them from a candle standing on the table; With a light wave, he knocked down the fire and with a bow he stuck the incense, which began to flow in streams of smoke, into the sand of the censer under the skillfully executed image of the merciful bodhisattva Guanyin.

Bug's thoughts flowed calmly and smoothly, a pacifying bliss descended on his heart. “How everything is in accordance with the world, - thought Bug, looking at the darkening sky, on which the stars were not visible due to the city glow, - in accordance and ... incomprehensible. How bizarre the fabric of fate, how unexpected and unexpected its turns, unexpected meetings and partings are inevitable, he thought, absentmindedly listening to the cheerful hubbub of the Alexandrians. - Karma! "

The smiling maid, rustling with her starched snow-white robe, with a slight bow, placed a misted mug in front of him.

- What will the unborn taste like? She asked, looking down accordingly.

- Taste? - The bug has returned to reality. - Not now. Bring another device. I'm expecting a guest ... We'll make an order later.

Bug was especially laconic today.

Bagatur "Typheng" Lobo was by no means a timid dozen, and anyone could be convinced of this by leafing through his track record (however, anyone would not be admitted to the list); at least four weeks ago, his lot, as well as his new acquaintance Bogdan Ouyantsev-Syu, had such extreme trials in the course of an active investigation that, for example, the ferry “Saint Evlampy” full of people went to the bottom - and no one dared I would say that he, Bagatur Lobo, then showed the world at least a drop of timidity. Bug did not feel shy either in communicating with the unborn of a different sex, although - due to his natural isolation and laconic speech - he could not boast of an abundance of such acquaintances. Which, however, did not regret at all.

But what brought him to the Baozi Palace today, not in his usual loneliness, but in anticipation of a guest, was so unusual for Bagh that he involuntarily got lost and thought about the irresistibility of karma and its cunning, which are impossible to predict.

For a week ago, Bug, tormented by memories, nevertheless plucked up the courage to enter Mei-li's chat. When he saw that Mei-li herself was not in the chat, he experienced two contradictory feelings: on the one hand, somewhat cowardly relief, because an honest investigator could not imagine what he would say to her and how he would behave in general, and on the other, disappointment, for he still hoped to find Mei-li.

The case of the werewolf foxes

My Da and Meng Da, preparing for an audience with the prince, came to the Teacher to inquire about appropriate behavior.

“You, Master,” said My Yes, “are an unsurpassed expert in ritual. How should you breathe in order to present yourself to the prince in the best way?

The teacher replied:

- The way you breathe.

My Da asked:

“Shouldn't you breathe faster in order to look your best and prove your deference?

The teacher replied:

- By this you will only prove that you are a gluttonous proud man, and the prince will reject you.

Meng Da asked:

“Shouldn't you breathe less in order to look your best and prove your deference?

The teacher replied:

- By this you will only prove that you are a cowardly miser, and the prince will reject you.

- Isn't there a ritual for breathing, with the help of which one could seem better and visually express their reverence? Both asked.

The teacher replied:

- The small man is concerned with appearing better, and the noble husband is concerned with becoming better. There can be no better breath than natural breath. There is no better ritual for doing things like breathing than being who you really are.

Confucius. Lunyu, chapter 22 Shao mao.

Topic: Greetings from across the ocean

Dear Mr. Lobo, since we parted with you, a lot of water has flowed under the bridge and a fair amount of time has passed, but Mr. Prince and I regularly remember you, as well as about your wonderful city, Alexandria Nevskaya, where we will be delighted to visit more more than once, if only the occasion presents itself.

Their Excellency express their deepest respect to you and ask you to convey that the rare pleasure of communicating with you is hard to forget. Their Excellency also speaks of the special impression that the well-groomed and well-maintained Ordus garbage dumps made on them, and they wish in the very near future to build something similar in their country estate and be sure to settle a special caretaker nearby, in a special house. If the experience takes root, their Excellency intend to petition for the widespread introduction of new-type garbage cans in our country. Julius also ordered to bow. He has almost completely passed the blues and overwork, he is again full of life and strength and, as if nothing had happened, takes the most lively, even sometimes too lively, participation in the local political struggle, which took Lately very sharp forms.

And so all is well. I hope that everything is going well for you, your friend, and your lovely girlfriend, and even somewhere excellent. For example, I can't even imagine that it was somehow different, eh?

However, I want to disturb you with a small, purely friendly request. Recently, we have had several noisy trials related to the use of the newfangled drug "Fox Fascinations". This drug is of Ordus origin, patent No. 7698345672-00765 belongs to the Brylyastov Medicinal House. In a short letter I cannot tell you more, but I ask, if possible, to inquire about this drug. My interest here is rather personal, and I am extremely embarrassed to make it difficult for you, but I really hope for you, Mr. Lobo.

By the way, their Excellency for days in a conversation with me expressed the hope that you and your friend will be able to choose five days free from public affairs, and you can easily visit us in our backwoods. What do you think about this, dear Mr. Lobo?

I look forward to you and your prompt reply, Yours sincerely Samival Deadlib, Inspector.

P. S. For days I have sent to your address a small box of cigars, which I had the opportunity to treat you. It seems that they did not disgust you. Do not refuse to accept.

Bagatur Lobo

Alexandria Nevskaya,

Razzy Village,

11th day of the ninth month, primary,

evening

The gray autumn sky fell on Alexandria Nevskaya. An immovable veil of clouds, viscous and indifferent, for several days showered the city with a fine, cold rain, and the clouds did not dry out.

Bug went to the window. From here, from the dry and light marbled hall at the entrance to the underground quaiche station "Three Heroes", the dull rain seemed an absurd picture on the TV screen; one has only to switch the channel and the rain will disappear, giving way to the black-eyed and witty beauty Shipiguseva or the next series of “Notes on the Intrigues of Spirits”, the films are as spectacular as they are informative.

Behind Bug's back, self-propelled staircases rumbled faintly, measuredly and reliably.

Bug glanced at his watch and went to the half of the room where smoking was not allowed: he had five more minutes at his disposal. In five minutes, the large bell on the Clock Tower will chime seven hours. In five minutes you have to go out into the rain. The smoking half was deserted: two preborns with cane umbrellas in their hands were walking not far from the stairs, obviously waiting for someone. An invisible air freshener created a soft, pleasant breeze.

Bug sat down on a marble bench by the window, put a long umbrella beside him, fished a pack of his favorite Zhonghua out of the sleeve of his robe and knocked out a cigarette with a click. From his belt pouch he took out a massive silver lighter - a memento from overseas human guard Samiwel Deadlib - ran his finger along the bottom, where the letters “Zippo” were squeezed out, spun the ribbed wheel, causing a flame to come to life, and lit a cigarette.

In the immediate vicinity of the Three Bogatyr station begins a vast area called Razudaly Posyolok - a chaotic interweaving of narrow streets, which in the east of the country, in Khanbalik, and in Alexandria, in the west, are called hutuns. From the station "Three heroes", the last on the line, there are three streets: Ilya Muromets, Dobryni Nikitich and Alyosha Popovich. Pretty soon, about four hundred steps away, nameless hutongs, formed by one-story buildings molded to each other of stone, brick and, less often, of logs, dissolve these streets in themselves, and then there is an intricate jumble of houses and houses, which can be figured out. only to local residents. The addresses are tight here. There are simply no addresses in the settlement in the usual sense. There are names of houses, and those houses are usually named after the owners: the house of Chzha-na Semiglazy, the house of Isaak Petrovich, the house of Vanya Krivoy, the house of that Khuruldai who fell from the roof three years ago ... The most knowledgeable in the geography of the Village are the employees of the local post offices yes weibins, carrying out their difficult service in hutongs; perhaps only they know these places like the back of their hand and can unmistakably find their way to the desired house.

Houses in the Village are being built in direct accordance with the fantasies and financial capabilities of the owners, and since people live in Razudal, whose capital leaves much to be desired, local houses cannot be called houses in the full sense of the word. Rather, these are more or less spacious buildings, and their shape, size and color are very diverse and often very incongruous. And everywhere there are fences, the indispensable brick fences, although the inhabitants of the Village are rather open in nature and are inclined to reckless fun and daring mass festivities around holidays- from which, in fact, the name of the region came.

Most of the inhabitants here work in the nearby factories or are employed in a variety of local handicraft industries. The products of village craftsmen can be purchased literally throughout the immense Ordusi, the skillfully woven rugs depicting scenes from the life of the faithful prince Alexander are especially famous: “Blessed Prince Alexander contemplates swans”, “Prince Alexander enters into single combat with a ferocious tiger” prince "... In Razudal settled simple and ingenuous Ordusians, not looking for another life and rightly believing to be true the utterance from the twenty-second chapter of" Conversations and Judgments "of Confucius, understood by them, alas, somewhat straightforward:" A noble man, straining all his forces, follows the path of harmony, and grateful people, echoing him, do their job as best they can and rejoice as best they can. "

Most. Unfortunately, not all. The threads of many intricate criminal cases often lead precisely here, to the distant Hutongs, the fiefdom of the most unpretentious strata of Alexandrian society. Semi-legal establishments flourish here, where games of chance are often arranged in majiang or dice - not for interest, but for money; there are courtyards in which you can buy things that are not allowed for sale or are even unlawfully alienated from their legitimate owners, and it is in the labyrinths of the Hutong that perpetrators often try to hide from just discipline; here, on every corner, in miniature shops and taverns with three tables, you can get hold of a bottle or two of the cheapest and strongest ergotou, lovingly nicknamed by the people “refreshing” for its ability to reliably knock off any understanding even from a well-worn person.

FAQ:
frequently asked Questions

Below are some of the questions that translators and their consultants are often asked about Holm van Zaichik himself, as well as about his works. Some useful information can also be gleaned from the following materials:

Interview with V. Rybakov and I. Alimov to the gezete "Evening St. Petersburg"
From an interview with V. Rybakov and I. Alimov (consultants for translators of Holm van Zaichik's stories) to the Knizhnoye Obozreniye newspaper

Question: Explain, please, how could Holm van Zaichik, a Dutchman by birth, translate the name of the scientist Glucksman into Russian, as a "man of illusions"?
Answer: I couldn't. He didn't do it. Holm van Zaichik's books are translated into Russian by translators; the original is written in Chinese.

Question: When will we have the happy opportunity to read "The Case of the Singing Bamboo", about which we have already heard a lot?
Answer: It is difficult to answer anything definite. Of all the texts that Holm van Zaichik has transmitted to us so far, this one is the most difficult to understand and to translate adequately. Realizing the importance of this work, the translators and their consultants are constantly thinking about the possibility of translating "The Cause of the Singing Bamboo", but now they do not feel themselves able to take on this truly grandiose undertaking.

Question: Did BN Strugatsky take part in the translation of Holm van Zaichik's works?
Answer: BN Strugatsky has nothing to do with Holm van Zaichik.

Question: In what order should Holm van Zaichik's books be read?
Answer: In principle, each book can be read separately; the translators have tried to the best of their ability in each volume to comment on what may seem incomprehensible. Chronologically, the books are arranged as follows: The Case of the Greedy Barbarian, The Case of the Independent Dervishes, The Case of Igor's Regiment, The Case of the Werewolves, The Case of the Conquering Monkey and The Case of Judge Dee.

Question: Do you think Holm van Zaichik read Soviet literature? Namely, the works of the Strugatskys?
Answer: It is difficult to give a definite answer, but judging by the works of the great Euro-Chinese humanist available to us, Holm van Zaichik knows both Russian literature and cinema very well.

Question: Dear precious unborn children, if it is not difficult for you, please answer this question - how are the hieroglyphs printed on the cover of the editions of the unborn Holm van Zaichik translated from the Han dialect?
Answer: This is just the Chinese name for the cycle of stories by Holm van Zaichik - "There are no bad people" ("Mei yu huai ren").

Question: Do we not see, under the translators of this glorious work, the premature one-aspirants, who previously wrote under the pseudonym Max Fry? Something similar in style.
Answer: No, don't look. Having received this question, we looked at the style for a long time, but did not understand what you mean.

Question: What is "amitofo"?
Answer: Something like "Oh my God!"

Question: How is temin "singular" written in transliteration?
Answer: In the texts of Holm van Zaichik there are a number of peculiar neologisms - "bunnies" - for example, such a term as "nyusiansheng", that is, "unborn", but in the case of the "singular", the standard term "tunzhi" is used, which is easily used both in relation to both men and women.

Question: Where can I find out more details about Holm van Zaichik's work for Soviet intelligence?
Answer: It is difficult to answer anything definite. All the information that has become available to us is set out in the afterword to "The Case of the Greedy Barbarian". Perhaps, over time, some other materials will appear. So, we know that at present the well-known Moscow archivist Z. Kondovy is undertaking truly titanic efforts in the area of interest to you.

Question: Will one of Holm van Zaichik's stories take place on the streets of the "first ergotounoy" - Mosyke? When can we expect the next story to be published?
Answer: We can please you - it is in Mosyke that the fifth story takes place, which was published in the spring of 2002.

Question: Does one of Holm van Zaichik's stories suggest the participation of some person of the arts?
Answer: So far, in those stories of the great Euro-Chinese humanist, the texts of which we have, such characters have not been noticed.

Question: What is drag interrupt and how is it transliterated?
Answer: Van Zaichik says "guixiantong", which initially confused the translators. However, while working with the texts, we realized that this is an abbreviation of the address "precious unborn one-aspirant" ( baogui xiansheng tongzhi) and about its meaning, it is reasonable to look here and here; the corresponding hieroglyphics are given in the notes in the books, but here we omit it.

Question: Why is Beijing (Beijing) named Hanbalik in van Zaichik's stories?
Answer: Apparently, one must take into account the historical era in which, according to Holm van Zaichik, the formation of Ordusi took place and as a result of which the empire had three capitals: Alexandria Nevskaya, Khanbalik and Karakorum. In general, it would be logical to address questions from the category of "why are they named so" to the author himself, but the reader does not yet have such an opportunity; we - translators and consultants - tried, if we could, to give all the necessary explanations in the page notes, which are abundant in published books.

Question: What uluses are part of Ordusi?
Answer: Unfortunately, we know about this no more than you do, because, just like you, we judge the territorial composition of Ordus by the available texts of Holm van Zaichik. It is known that there are seven such uluses - except for the Blooming Middle, that is, as we understand it, China itself. It is not excluded that the great Euro-Chinese humanist will one day send such a file, which will contain the final answer to this question.

Question: How is "lishchno nishtyak mi-sen" translated?
Answer: Something like "how do you do". The phrase, in the general opinion of the translators and their consultants, is a complex combination of several slang expressions of Central Asian origin. "Lishchno", as one might assume, is a distorted Russian "personally", and should be understood as "himself", "as such", "taken separately." The "mi" particle expresses an interrogative intonation: "is it?", "How?", "What is it?" "Sen" is nothing more than a familiar "you" address. The word "nishtyak" for a cultured Russian reader does not require translation or explanation, as we believe.

Q: Who is Zhong Kui?
Answer: A spirit that drives out evil spirits. Usually depicted as a big man with a red face and bulging eyes: he stands in a combat position, raising a magic sword over his head, in full readiness to defeat evil spirits. Paired images of Zhong Kui in old China could be seen glued to the front doors of every house. Judging by the works of Holm van Zaichik, a similar custom was common in Ordusi, especially in the countryside. Honestly, this is no worse than our usual anemic spells like: "Our homes - we need to take care of them"; but from an aesthetic point of view, it is incomparably more valuable.

Q: What is yue step?
Answer: The ancient Chinese ruler Yu (c. XXII century BC) has been famous for centuries in that he pacified the then flood and saved all living things from a sad death in the water. According to one version, it was at this time that Atlantis sank on the opposite edge of the planet; apparently, there was no Yui. Yes, even this wonderful servant of the Han people, according to legend, the fight against the raging elements took a lot of time and effort. The work done by him simply does not fit into the imagination, and the number of passed does not lend itself to the most approximate calculation. The great historian Sima Qian notes: "For thirteen years, Yu has not been under his own roof, and even passing the gates of his own house, he did not dare to enter it." It is clear that no Atlantean was capable of such self-sacrifice. Distances and hard work made themselves felt: Yu's legs began to hurt badly, which resulted in a specific clubfoot gait. As a result of the flood, various evil spirits crept out onto the earth, previously found without any hesitation in earthen holes and other secluded places and in every possible way harming the civilian population. Then Yu, without weakening his drainage efforts, drove the evil spirits away from China and, just in case, made sure that people in the future knew the enemies by sight. Yu sculpted, in the language of H. van Zaichik, member-assembly portraits of all the trash on special bronze tripods. These two interconnected facts from the biography of Yu - rheumatic gait and success in the fight against evil spirits - later gave rise to the practice of the magic "Yueva step", which was widely used by spellcasters throughout the entire territory of the Celestial Empire for many centuries. Almost no one paid attention, for example, to what was the walk of Chairman Mao when he entered Comrade Stalin's office in Moscow in December 1949 to congratulate the leader on his 70th birthday. And it should.

Q: What is Kuaiche?
Answer: Literally it is a fast, or high-speed, train. Apparently, H. van Zaichik has in mind a certain analogue (perhaps even more advanced) of the so-called bullet-trains. In this case, the cruising speed of "kuayche" should be at least three hundred kilometers per hour, and possibly more.

Question: Who are the duji?
Answer: Disabled people. One-legged, one-eyed, one-armed, mentally retarded. In Ordusi, as it follows from the novels of H. van Zaichik, disabled people of the Duji group enjoyed the maximum level of social security and received significant pensions and other various payments from the state. Their position, apparently, can be likened to the position of, say, a nowhere working one-legged crooked Negro-AIDS-carrier of unconventional sexual orientation, whose apocalyptic figure threatens to become in the current United States of America the main object of sincere and unremitting concerns on the part of both the state and everyone without exclusion of private charities and societies. Among the broadest masses of the Ordus population, according to van Zaichik, there was even a ditty: "Do you want to live like Prince Wu-chi? Sign up as soon as duji!" Under Prince Wu-tszi, apparently, it means Zhangsun Wu-tszi (? -659), a close relative of one of the most powerful emperors in the entire history of China, Tang Tai Tsung, who held the highest posts in the empire's apparatus for decades. which at that time was at the zenith of power, glory and splendor.

Question: "Putin wansui" - does this mean the President of the Russian Federation Putin?
Answer: Literally translated, the phrase means: "Long live our universal border watchtower!" Of course, it should be borne in mind that van Zaichik created his epic no less than a quarter of a century before the Russian presidential elections in 2000, and, therefore, no ambiguous interpretations of this paragraph of his story have the slightest right to exist.

Question: The preborn - what is it?
Answer: With this word we convey the Chinese "xiansheng". Literally, this means: "the one who was born earlier" - and expresses the extreme degree of respect of the speaker in relation to the one with whom he speaks, and in our time already regardless of the actual ratio of ages. In European languages, the term xiansheng and its Japanese counterpart "sensei", according to the context, are translated as "teacher", then as "lord", then in some other way. However, we believe that the difference between the "master" and the "unborn" is as significant as between the "comrade" and the "one-handed". We translate this accordingly: "the unborn one aspirant."

Question: What kind of rods are mentioned so often in stories?
Answer: Even at the dawn of the Middle Ages, China abandoned the senselessly cruel and, in fact, not enlightening, but only embittered (and sometimes even traumatizing) petty offenders by whipping, split bamboo, etc. (depending on the severity of the offense) sticks from a light and pleasant to the touch cannabis cannabis stick. With the spread of culture in all uluses of Ordusi, this humane custom, to the joy of the population, took root everywhere.

Question: What is a "one-lover"?
Answer: In Holm van Zaichik's original, the complex and very ancient Chinese political and philosophical term "tunzhi" is used here. In modern Chinese, it is used as an address of one member of the Communist Party to another and is translated into Russian as "comrade". However, unlike the word "comrade", originally meaning a partner in a particular occupation (often commercial) and actually synonymous with the word "partner", the Chinese "tunzhi" means people with the same aspirations, ideals, and aspirations.

Q: Who is Mei Lan-fang mentioned in The Case of the Greedy Barbarian?
Answer: Mei Lan-fang (1894-1961) is a famous actor of the so-called Peking Opera (a specific North Chinese theatrical performance, combining recitative and singing in ancient Chinese with acrobatic, often rather complicated stunts). Mei Lan-fang's family was theatrical through and through, so he got to know the Peking Opera while running in trousers with a slit in the back. :-) At the age of eight, the boy began to study the intricacies of Peking opera, and at 11 he already went on stage. An extremely gifted person, Mei Lan-fang quickly became one of the leading figures in Peking Opera and over the years formed his own unique style, which his students gave his name to. He was on tour, by the way, in the USSR, his book "Forty Years in the Theater" was published in Russian translation. In socialist China, he held a number of fairly large posts, including being deputy secretary of the All-China Association of Theater Workers, as well as rector of the Academy of Theater Arts. Famous arias performed by Mei Lan-fang have been widely reproduced in vinyl and on magnetic tape.

Q: What is Taijiquan?
Answer: This is such a Chinese kind of gymnastics, literally - "fist of the Great Limit" :-) There are many schools of Taijiquan; we are inclined to believe that Bagatur Lobo practices Yangshi Taijiquan, that is, Taijiquan of the Yang clan. :-)

Question (personally to V. Rybakov): Paradoxically, the works of the great Dutch Chinese resonate with your latest works. Is it so? And if so, how can this be explained? Are there strange encounters?
Answer: These are just coincidences of incredible power! We must confess that in the process of translation we encountered the fact that van Zaichik's texts are surprisingly consonant with our time in general. Perhaps these are just eternal texts, eternal texts about eternal problems. And any of those who are imbued with the novels of Holm van Zaichik will sooner or later find there some amazing parallels, allusions, consonance with something of their own - either in their favorite literary works, or just in their souls.
(Rybakov: Honestly, I don't see the slightest overlap. It's just that in our time - the time of the dominance of perverted literature for broken, and therefore especially self-righteous, loners, books have become extremely rare in which natural feelings reign: a husband's love for his wife, and a wife in her husband, a normal need for friends and one-time lovers, love for one's country, which is called not a country, but a Motherland, and when several similar books appear on the shelves at once, it will probably seem to someone that one author copied from another. Or, for example, that the books were written by the same person.)

Question: Is it true that in fact there is no Holm van Zaichik, and all this was written by A. Gavrilov - who is the editor-in-chief of Book Review?
Answer: No, not true! (Gavrilov: They lie!)

Question: And how many stories are there in H. van Zaichik's cycle "There are no bad people"?
Answer: We do not know for certain. But a lot. Now at our disposal - thanks to the mysterious letters that we received on e-mail- there is "The Case of the Greedy Barbarian", "The Case of Independent Dervishes", "The Case of Igor's Regiment", "The Case of the Werewolves", "The Case of the Victory Monkey", "The Case of Judge Dee" and "The Case of the Singing Bamboo". But we think that we will get more texts in the near future.

Question: You write that van Zaichik disappeared somewhere from China in 1991. And where to? And where is he now?
Answer: It is difficult to answer with complete certainty ... Everything that we have learned since we wrote the epilogue to the translation of Holm van Zaichik's first story is vague and vague, you know ... Well, for example, we got (and now we receive regularly) texts of stories by e-mail. After all, the stories have never been published in any language! .. We tried to trace the route of the movement of these letters, but ran into an anonymous server in Hong Kong. But something tells us that we should look for Holm somewhere in Tibet.

Question: What is an ergoto?
Answer: Oh, this is such a special alcoholic drink! Real ergotou is only made in Beijing - avoid fakes! - and is a double-distilled gaolyan moonshine with a standard strength of 56 degrees, but sometimes it reaches 75! In 2004, a half liter of this wonderful piece cost seven yuan. Ergotou has a specific moonshine smell - Emmie, for example, doesn't like it very much - as well as an indescribable taste. If you happen to be, by all means give it a try!
In the photos: on the left - the classic Beijing version; on the right - the Taiwanese version, "modernized". :)))

Question: "Three religions" - what is it?
Answer: This refers to the three main traditional religious teachings of China - Confucianism, Taoism and Buddhism, for many centuries, as a rule, peacefully and constructively getting along with each other.